Attachment Styles
How you learned to love. And what it is costing you.
What Are Attachment Styles?
Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, describes how early relationships with caregivers shape the templates we carry into adult relationships. These templates, called attachment styles, determine how we respond to closeness, how we handle conflict, and what we do when we feel rejected or abandoned.
There are four main attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful avoidant. Most people develop a dominant style in childhood that continues to operate in adult relationships until it is actively examined and worked with. The good news is that attachment styles are not fixed. With awareness and the right support, they can shift significantly.
What Is Your Attachment Style?
The Four Attachment Styles
Secure Attachment
People with secure attachment are comfortable with closeness and interdependence. They can ask for support without fear, handle conflict without catastrophising, and give partners space without anxiety. Secure attachment is the goal, and it can be developed at any age.
Anxious Attachment
Anxious attachment involves a heightened sensitivity to signs of rejection or abandonment. People with this style often seek reassurance frequently, interpret ambiguous signals negatively, and find it difficult to self-soothe when a relationship feels uncertain. It typically develops when caregivers were inconsistent, warm sometimes, distant others.
Avoidant Attachment
Avoidant attachment involves a tendency to minimise closeness and emotional dependence. People with this style may appear independent to the point of coldness, struggle to express needs, and feel uncomfortable when partners want more intimacy. It often develops when caregivers were emotionally unavailable or dismissive.
Fearful Avoidant (Disorganised)
Fearful avoidant attachment is the most complex style, a combination of wanting closeness and fearing it simultaneously. People with this style often experienced early relationships where the caregiver was both a source of comfort and a source of fear or unpredictability.
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